Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
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