yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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