just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
