but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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