Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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