Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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