he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Couch. On fire.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
