you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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