@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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