you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
