giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
