Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
