I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
