Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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