Your tits are I can't wait for
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
is that a dick in a sweater?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
