I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
