omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
