she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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