I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
