oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
