In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
