brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
