I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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