My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
