sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
