just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
