So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He passed out mid-signature
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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