I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
