He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize