OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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