it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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