____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
