1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
