do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
