the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
