I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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