she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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