I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize