i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
