i barfeds in our rink
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
