just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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