She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
