she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
