I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
