dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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