Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
