He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
