Me. At least after what I've been through.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
