That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
