I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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