fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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