Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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