she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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