Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
