What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
