I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This toilet bowl is my home.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
