Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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