Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
