Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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