your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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