I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
