yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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