my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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