my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
