whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
no you cant smoke seaweed
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
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