there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
All the doctor said was why
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
