I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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