would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize