You made me cry and you don't even care
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
