Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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