today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
