I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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