So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
