This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
