They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
