I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He shit in the fireplace
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
