you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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