what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
