I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
