I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
