You made me cry and you don't even care
You work out of a Hotel?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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