Kareoke will never be a sober sport
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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