Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
