We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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