I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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