Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i think i have herpe
just one?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
