The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
