she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
