so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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