Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I wear drunk well.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
