Don't you send me to vm
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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