You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
