I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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