the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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