Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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