we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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