You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
