So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
