Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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