I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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