One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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