About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
