my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
