M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
