I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize