some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
