I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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