just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
